things I don't want to know about me...

Stephanie posted this very real and convicting post a couple of days ago, entitled 25 things i don't want you to know about me.

That post was in response to a post she had read with the same title. Also very convicting.

I began to think about what I wouldn't want other people to know about me. I mean there are hundreds of things, but I have this sinking feeling that the things I really don't want you to know about me, you already know. The worst part is, I think I might not know them. I have such a lovely bunch of friends who are all too gracious to tell me this, and even a husband that almost always talks to me and about me in a positive light. I'm not sure this is entirely good for me, but it is how it is, so I will just be glad about it.

The main reason I think this, is because when I read the list Stephanie made, and then Kat's list. I do so many of those things, and don't think about them. I really appreciated Kat saying that she looks in store windows for her own reflection. I have always done this, but it didn't occur to me until I read her words. I am vain...so very vain. I could be looking at my beautiful family, the window display, the people surrounding me, but no, I always look at myself.

Fittingly, I'm reading a very great book...if you haven't noticed, I'm always reading really great books (that was an attempt at sarcasm)...anyway, this really great book I have been reading in the mornings, kind of like a devotional...paragraphs at a time. the uncommon woman by Susie Larson. She writes: How do we know if we are held captive by others' opinions...When our goal is more to impress than to bless.

I don't want you to know that, most days, I am more interested in impressing my friends (you) than I am talking to God. In trying situations, I am more likely to run through a rough draft of a blog in my head than talk to God about it. It irritates me to no end, and recently I have been so annoyed that I choose not to blog at all.

Well that was pretty much a downer of a post, but freeing in a sick sort of way.

Nine Months Pregnant

Those who have had that feeling can probably relate. I'm not nine months pregnant...in case you were worried...and I will most likely never be nine months pregnant again. One of the reasons is because I hate being nine months pregnant. I hate that waiting, uncomfortable, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I don't want one more person to ask me what my due date is, or say how I must be having twins because one baby couldn't take up that much space, etc., etc. Those are all the negatives, of course the positive is that you have a beautiful baby in your arms, but the waiting and all the other stuff is enough to drive you mad.

I feel like I'm nine months pregnant right now.

Reason #1 I'm waiting, waiting, waiting to find out what is happening with our life...where we will move. In the meantime I am tempted to hibernate, so I don't have to tell anyone else that I have no idea where we are moving, that it is in fact difficult to not know, that I really have no guesses, that in fact I have no clue, and that I am sure the world will know via facebook and this blog the second I find out.

Reason #2 I am nesting. I am not sure there is another word for it. I am sorting and organizing everything...deep cleaning nooks and crannies that might not have been cleaned since the construction of the house. I am getting every single task done that might need to be done in the next 6 months...planning a party for my sister, making Christmas presents, etc. I feel like I'm planning to put my life on hold...as if it could be on hold any more than it is now.

Hopefully this is the up-side to the whole post.

Reason #3 I feel like I'm waiting to meet this new life, new friends, new neighborhood, new church. I have waited so long this move that I have had time to anticipate all of these things. I have a lot of excitement for this new life, but also a lot of fear, because I can see the hard work and sleepless nights ahead. It will be worth it. Not as exciting as meeting any of my baby girls, but a faint shadow of those same feelings.

Oh, and in case you didn't catch it...I have no idea where we are moving. :)